She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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