am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
