Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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