I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
