you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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