i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just threw up on my dentist
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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