I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
