I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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