JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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