If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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