I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
