Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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