stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
