he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
