peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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