i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
