It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want to fling myself into the sun
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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