i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
