There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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