Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
