I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
