Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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