i'm signing you up for texting rehab
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
