Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
