mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
