I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
