I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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