Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
