my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
