We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
