and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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