im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
