it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
