no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
