im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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