wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
