OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
