My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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