i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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