so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
