It's like God shit irony all over that family
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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