Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
