he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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