At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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