Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
