his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
