I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
