its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
