is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
