He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
