BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
