Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
