You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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